"All you need is Love" -John Lennon
In order to be truly happy, you must first love yourself. In order for another to love you, they must not only love themselves, but they have to be willing to let go of all your past indiscretions; to know all about you and remain in your presence in spite of it. To move on is not easy, forgiving is harder and forgetting, impossible. I will never forget the path I took to get where I'm at. I will look back and smile about certain memories. Others will sadden me and the worst will be downright painful. People will come into my life, serve their purpose and then will leave. I'm thankful for those friends; they have given me what I needed at the time. Some have taught me patience, acceptance, humility and how to dance like no one is watching. Others have angered me, brought me down and made me wish I would die. For all of that I am greatful; it makes for an interesting day. Those who have been around a little longer have taught me to respect, endure, believe, and most important, love.
I am in love with life. I love my kids, my friends, my family and I have an outlook on life I would otherwise not possess if not for they're encouraging words and relentless support. Even on days when I think there is no way things could get worse (and they often do before they get better), they are beside me pushing me to go on because tomorrow will be better, it has to be. Most days I don't believe them. It sounds so much easier to throw in the towel, but real friends will not allow it. It makes me angry and frustrated but ultimately beautiful. There is beauty in friendship; in love. That is the one thing no one can take from me. No matter how hard they try, love will always be what brightens my day. Even when I am lost, I know it's there. Love may not be easy or desirable even, but it is ALWAYS worth it. We cannot live without it. It is as essential to our well being as water oxygen and food.
Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not selfish.
Love bears all things. Love believes all things. Love hopes all things. Love endures all things. Love continues to love, no matter how much it costs. Love does not give up on the person loved. Love prevails, both in good times and bad times.
~1 Cor. 13:4-7~
Monday, November 16, 2009
Just Breathe
I usually find myself reflecting on the events of the previous 12 months right about this time of year. I have done some reflecting, but as of late I find myself at a loss for words and just trying to remember to breathe. Life often takes us in directions we had no intention of heading and to places we thought we'd never see. I never thought I'd be living with my momma again, and yet here I am. I'm not complaining, just observing. I am grateful for the help with the kids and having my mommy to talk to at the end of the day. Made the big move to Pasco and so far so good. The job's ok, meeting new people and making some friends.
I've decided this morning that instead of focusing on the bad, I'm going to embrace the good. For those of you who know, this is not always an easy feat for me.
I got an e-mail this morning from my friend Kacy who is overseas until February. Just the thought of seeing him soon makes me smile. He is always so positive, even in the midst of fighting someone else's war. My little girl woke me up with a kiss at 6:30 this morning and though I'm not a morning person, it sure did warm my heart. I had a dream last night that my dad (Bryce) was in town and I have not seen him in what seems like forever; just got off the phone with him and he's home for the day. I get to see Katie today, but not for coffee. We are having a girl's day which we rarely do, so I'm excited. My kid's have started their new school and the transition seems to be going well; I was so worried it would be more difficult, but my children never cease to amaze me. They are so resilient; they are smart, outgoing, friendly, enthusiastic, not bad looking if I do say so myself. All in all they are beautiful and that makes me smile.
There are things I miss and will continue to yearn for that I can never have. A few friends lost along the way, one in particular that will forever leave a hole in my heart. I think about him everyday. This morning seems to be harder for some reason. Most days thoughts of him make me smile and today they do as well; the smile is simply to hide the pain today.
I guess when I really think about it there is so much beauty around me and so much to be thankful for. On days like today, I often don't believe that it can be so difficult to find things to be grateful for
I've decided this morning that instead of focusing on the bad, I'm going to embrace the good. For those of you who know, this is not always an easy feat for me.
I got an e-mail this morning from my friend Kacy who is overseas until February. Just the thought of seeing him soon makes me smile. He is always so positive, even in the midst of fighting someone else's war. My little girl woke me up with a kiss at 6:30 this morning and though I'm not a morning person, it sure did warm my heart. I had a dream last night that my dad (Bryce) was in town and I have not seen him in what seems like forever; just got off the phone with him and he's home for the day. I get to see Katie today, but not for coffee. We are having a girl's day which we rarely do, so I'm excited. My kid's have started their new school and the transition seems to be going well; I was so worried it would be more difficult, but my children never cease to amaze me. They are so resilient; they are smart, outgoing, friendly, enthusiastic, not bad looking if I do say so myself. All in all they are beautiful and that makes me smile.
There are things I miss and will continue to yearn for that I can never have. A few friends lost along the way, one in particular that will forever leave a hole in my heart. I think about him everyday. This morning seems to be harder for some reason. Most days thoughts of him make me smile and today they do as well; the smile is simply to hide the pain today.
I guess when I really think about it there is so much beauty around me and so much to be thankful for. On days like today, I often don't believe that it can be so difficult to find things to be grateful for
A better class of losers
I always thought that as I grew up, the people around me would grow up too. I'm learning that that is not the case. They look older and sometimes sound wiser, but deep down they seem to all be as clueless as ever. Now I'm not talking about goofing off and having a good time or acting like a kid for entertainment purposes (Lord knows I'm the queen of silly). What I am talking about are those idiots that refuse to grow up (at all)! I don't always behave the way that I should, but there is a time and a place for everything.
I always say that I have 3 rules for dating: 1. Must have a job (I don't care if you are the guy who salts the french fries at McDonald's, as long as you have a job!), 2. Must have a car (I will not be your chauffeur), 3. Can not live with your parents (or grand parents). All of these things show me that a guy is responsible and independent. Now if your plan is to work in fast food for the rest of your life or manage the Gas-n-Sip then maybe we should talk about having some goals, but the basic idea is that you can take care of yourself.
It's ok to have fun. It's ok to be funny all the time, you won't find me complaining. I need a guy who can keep me entertained. But, when it is time to take care of business just get it done and we can go back to having a good time.
Also, by the time we reach adult-hood, we should be at a point where we can be honest about our feelings. I realize that most men would rather lose their leg in the tiger exhibit at the zoo or be eaten alive by rabid wolverines than tell us they are simply not interested or just the opposite, but I think we have reached a point (at least I have) where being honest really is the most painless way. The worst that will happen in most cases is that we will kick and scream a little, maybe even cry (I know how poorly men deal with this) but in the end it's so much better than the time wasted by NOT just saying how you feel.
What I have learned is this: We have grown older, but not grown up and the men that I meet these days are not any better or mature than the ones I knew in high school. They may have better jobs, more expensive hobbies (and toys), but all they are is a better class of losers.
I always say that I have 3 rules for dating: 1. Must have a job (I don't care if you are the guy who salts the french fries at McDonald's, as long as you have a job!), 2. Must have a car (I will not be your chauffeur), 3. Can not live with your parents (or grand parents). All of these things show me that a guy is responsible and independent. Now if your plan is to work in fast food for the rest of your life or manage the Gas-n-Sip then maybe we should talk about having some goals, but the basic idea is that you can take care of yourself.
It's ok to have fun. It's ok to be funny all the time, you won't find me complaining. I need a guy who can keep me entertained. But, when it is time to take care of business just get it done and we can go back to having a good time.
Also, by the time we reach adult-hood, we should be at a point where we can be honest about our feelings. I realize that most men would rather lose their leg in the tiger exhibit at the zoo or be eaten alive by rabid wolverines than tell us they are simply not interested or just the opposite, but I think we have reached a point (at least I have) where being honest really is the most painless way. The worst that will happen in most cases is that we will kick and scream a little, maybe even cry (I know how poorly men deal with this) but in the end it's so much better than the time wasted by NOT just saying how you feel.
What I have learned is this: We have grown older, but not grown up and the men that I meet these days are not any better or mature than the ones I knew in high school. They may have better jobs, more expensive hobbies (and toys), but all they are is a better class of losers.
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