I find that I have increased anxiety lately about everything. Driving in Tri-City traffic (especially when I find myself in one of those stupid round-abouts, i.e. sling shots), whenever my phone rings and I don't recognize the number (could be someone I don't want to talk to or a potential employer), my kids: walking to school, behaving themselves while there, eating right and getting good grades. I also stress about bills and necessities. I'm getting a handle on my compulsive spending, it's been a hard journey and lesson, but I can see the top of the hill. I stress in line at the grocery store, am I holding people up with my coupons and reusable bags? I often forget to use said coupons and to ask for items such as stamps (happened yesterday) as a result of this insecurity. I stress about forgetting things so much so that the constant reminder to get things done has the opposite effect. More often I find myself at the end of the day scrambling to get things done that I should have remembered sooner. I try to make "to do" lists and often misplace them.
I also have a compulsive cleaning issue, albeit unlike most. I am not obsessive compulsive (I don't think), meaning I don't have to do it all the time and be sure everything is always in it's proper place and spic-n-span. I have a short attention span and am a control freak. All of these combined are quite frustrating as I have to have things my way, orderly (my version of it), and I must always be in control. Naturally all of this is disrupted by my own brand of laziness, for which I always feel guilt (anxiety). Even when all of my tasks are complete I feel guilt over something as simple as watching a television show. Even as I write this I feel as if there is something more important I should be doing, something more worthy of my time. However, I justify this to myself as relinquishing control. Control over what, is the true question. I'm pretty sure I've always been this way and not too sure how I never noticed before.
I'm OCD and ADD, which means I have something new to obsess about every five seconds. That should keep me busy for a while, right?
